Kuwentuhang Brip

Last Sunday night, one of my friends chided me to join him for a late round of beers at a local bar in the Batangas area. What the heck. It was a very humid evening, and a couple of ice cold beers in an airconditioned bar sounded like a good idea.

We got a good table at the bar, ordered our beers and discussed some of the things that guys bring up in a conversation: the weather, work, girls, friends, sports and cars. We were there just really to past time and cool off a bit, so the topics were diverse.

Halfway through our second round of beers, a couple of girls approached us and struck a simple conversation with us. Pretty soon, the ladies settled themselves at our table and officially joined our conversation.

Girl A, seated to my left, opened a topic regarding her thoughts on men and their underwear. The topic was prompted by a hip-hop customer tugging at his baggy pants when he passed by our table.

Girl A: Yuck. Ayoko talaga sa mga hip-hop. Palagi silang naka-boxers.
Me: Bakit naman? Okay naman ang boxers ah. Depends on the place and the occassion.
Girl A: Gusto ko na yung mga magiging boypren o asawa ko eh palaging naka-brip. At hindi lang basta brip. Kelangan puting brip.
Me: Sige nga, explain mo sa 'min yung paniniwala mo tungkol sa mga brip.

Geez. I can't believe that I'm having this discussion with a lady-stranger.

Girl A's "brief philosophy" is as follows:

1. Ladies and sophisticated gay men adore men in clean tighty-whities. Hipster cut preferred. According to her, it's sexy and clean to look at.

2. Men who wear colored briefs have poor hygiene down there. The darker the brief color, the dirtier they are.

3. Boxer-type briefs or sports briefs are for grandpas.

4. Guys who wear "bacon strips" (loose garter) are either financially challenged or mentally deranged. Or both.

5. Only homosexuals wear the tanga-cut briefs.

6. Men who wear thongs shouldn't be allowed to talk to girls, even to little kids.

7. Metallic-colored briefs are only for wrestlers and transvestite performers.

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I was at the mall yesterday with two of my friends, a guy and a girl. When we passed by the department store, I blurted out that I'll need to buy a pack of briefs soon. Maybe in a month or so.

The girl asks "Why? Bakit next month pa?"

I told them that on the average, 2 or 3 of my undies are missing from my closet by the end of the quarter. So I needed to restock every so often. Same with socks.

And the guy goes, "Talaga? 'kala ko ako lang yung ganun. Kumokonti rin yung briefs ko e. Di ko malaman kung saan dinadala nung labandera yung mga brief ko."

Ahahaha... seems like we should introduce a 'Brief Fairy' to children's stories. Something like a cross between the boogeyman and the Tooth Fairy. And probably let the kids figure out that the Brief Fairy is your family labandera.